A Merry Marry Christmas Page 6

  Jon smiles and waves. "Now they’ll know we’re Mafia."

  The kids wait until the limo is out of sight then slam the door and turn up the music. Minutes later, a deliveryman rings the doorbell several times. Finally, Marie answers.

  "Is this the Kaufman home?"

  "They split up ten years ago."

  The deliveryman looks concerned. "Says here, Joe Kaufman. Do you know where to find the guy?” He holds a giant bottle of Jack Daniel’s wrapped up with a big red bow."

  Jon joins Marie at the door. "He’s in San Quentin. Tried to throw her ass off their boat."

  "Too much information. Can you get this to him?" the delivery guy offers them the bottle.

  "Is it paid for?" Marie grins wide at the sight of firewater from heaven.

  "Except for the tip. All you gotta do is sign.”

  Marie thinks fast. “Sure, I heard he made bail. He should be home tonight. We’ll make sure he gets it first thing.”

  Jon reaches into his wallet and pulls out what’s left of his allowance and seals the deal. The deliveryman tips his hat in thanks as they close the front door.

  "Party", Marie screams and rips the wrapping off the bottle.

  CHAPTER 14

  Saison Hotel, San Francisco

  The wild limo pulls up in front of the exclusive Saison Hotel, where the firm keeps a suite for special meetings, entertaining and out-of-town guests. Bernie and his fearless wife, Meryl Walker Lyon, preside. Meryl practiced several years with her father’s firm before leaving to raise their two children.

  Bernie explains Alan's presence at the party. "Alan is our facilitator tonight."

  "Facilitator is just a lawyer’s way of saying that you might need someone to sign the check in case you pass out,” Alan quips.

  "Don't be modest now. You'll earn your dinner somehow. The staff here is used to me passing out. This place is perfect for small working dinners and staying over when we gotta keep going."

  Meryl reaches for Bernie's hand and pats it with a wicked smile. "My Energizer Bunny! I thought this was your play pen when you didn’t want to come home to our marriage."

  Alan turns to Claire. "Bernie is so generous–presents for all your work on that nasty little Steele divorce."

  Bernie smiles benignly. "Claire did most of the work. But my idea of going for 30 per cent of the settlement instead of billable hours took real genius."

  Meryl claps her hands in child-like glee. "Like personal-injury lawyers…why that’s almost a respectable branch of the law. And how daring of you to take the credit from Claire and also serve filet mignon. If you’d done that to me I’d have stuck a steak knife in your ample ass."

  Meryl turns graciously to Claire. "Thank you so much for all you’ve done for the firm, dear. Any time you have trouble with Bernie you can call me. We girls must stick together. Oh my–was that knife joke a conspiracy?"

  Alan takes over as master of ceremonies. "In gratitude–a few little presents. First the check."

  Bernie takes an envelope out of his jacket pocket. Claire thanks Bernie and takes the check.

  "And a few things no working girl should be without…" Alan opens a box to reveal computer equipment. "Not from Tiffany, Claire. But you do see what you mean to the firm."

  Claire glares at Alan. "You’re stealing my lines again."

  "Thank you for noticing," Alan sneers.

  Meryl uses the opportunity to crack a joke. "Children, I realize you’re both competing for a spot on Daddy’s lap but there’s a lot to go around." She turns to Bernie. "What’s your waist now dear, 42, 44?" When Bernie doesn’t answer, Meryl adds, “50–already”?

  Tony moves forward to examine the goods. "What do you have there, Claire?"

  Bernie acts like he's pleased with the gift. "A brand new laptop and the latest iPhone, Blue-Tooth, sci-fi–you name it. We've been worried about viruses so we're upgrading all our key players."

  Alan continues. "Access your office files from home. We have a security upgrade planned this weekend too."

  Claire is polite. "Thank you, it is beautiful, but I already have a new company laptop."

  "Not like this–they change so fast."

  Tony has been drinking and it’s starting to show. "Do we get a webcam in our bedroom?"

  Claire shoots Tony a look that tells him to shut up.

  Meryl laughs out loud. "Don’t give Bernie ideas. Tony, come sit by me and let’s catch up while these shysters lie to each other."

  Bernie speaks up, "Alan, write that down about the webcam. I’m so drunk I might forget. Remember, it was Tony’s idea."

  Meryl and Tony sit side-by-side, enjoying each other’s company and a lot more of the wine.

  Claire continues to object about the new computer. "Thanks, but I don’t need anything special to get my work done," Claire insists.

  "Of course you do. The IT team will be there tomorrow to get you all set up. Virus check for everyone."

  Meryl overhears. "Intel Inside–just what every woman wants late at night."

  Tony blushes and Bernie notices. Bernie takes Claire's hand to get her attention. She pulls away. "While they’re working at your house I hope you don’t mind coming in early for a bit tomorrow so we can finish the billing details for the Steele deal."

  Meryl is upset for Claire. "Early tomorrow? Sunday? After the week Claire’s been through? This is San Francisco not Tokyo, Bernie. Learn some manners–or time management."

  Bernie isn't listening. "We need to close to get it on the books this quarter. I thought IT could finish the job while you’re at the office so we don’t waste any time."

  "Oh, so now you're also invading the Morrelli home on Sunday morning," Meryl leans into Tony. "Judge, isn't there a law against this sort of corporate slavery?"

  Tony laughs. “Do you really think Bernie actually follows the law?”

  Meryl raises her glass in a toast. "Good point. To the mighty dollar."

  Claire is exhausted and would love nothing better than sleeping all day Sunday. But, she is gracious for the moment. "That’s OK. It’ll be good to close on this."

  Alan clarifies the plans. "And the IT guys will upgrade all the family to the WI FI home network while you're at the office."

  Claire gives Alan a stern look. "Didn’t you already say that-twice?"

  Alan ignores her and turns to Tony. "Are the kids’ laptops still in their rooms?"

  Tony sloshes his wine glass and answers. "Oh, yeah. They seem to sleep with them."

  "We have to do the virus checks simultaneously so we don't bring any bugs into the firm. Who knows what kids have on their computers these days. Tony, Chen’ll do your laptop too."

  Tony is in an agreeable mood. "Whatever, thanks." He reaches to top off the wine glasses.

  Meryl still doesn't like the idea. "Working faster at home on weekends. A toast to Confucius." She turns to Claire and takes the younger woman's hand. “You need some time away from work. My father built a cottage in Carmel to celebrate his appointment to the federal bench. It’s yours for the weekend–or any week you want. Four bedrooms–take the kids."

  Claire smiles. "Thanks–we do need a break."

  "Save some of that check for the boutiques on Beach Avenue." Meryl smiles back.

  Bernie stands to propose a toast. "To our girls–and here’s to Beach Avenue. And beaches everywhere."

  Everyone raises a glass to Claire as Tony gives her a kiss on one cheek and Bernie pecks on the other.

  Meryl leans over to Alan. "Tell me, do you smell something rotten?"

  Alan looks like an angel. "No, not at all. Why?"

  Meryl pulls on Alan's ear. "You do that very well."

  "Thank you. But do what well?"

  "Lie." Meryl gives his ear a second hard pull.

  Bernie and Claire talk business and Alan keeps pouring to make sure both Meryl and Tony get nicely drunk.

  CHAPTER 15

  Walker, Lyon, San Francisco

  The first light of dawn has bro
ken outside the penthouse offices of the law firm. Alan and Chen, the head of IT, are wide awake for the early morning meeting. Bernie is slouched at the table and dozing. Also seated are doctors Jacques and Jeanne Moreau, both 30 and psychiatry sub-specialists at UCSF. They consult for the law firm on the sexual elements of divorce. Elite athletes and movie-star attractive, they have also served as bait to entrap client spouses.

  On the white board is a drawing of the Morrelli home with pictures of the occupant of each room, their email and IP addresses. Alan is again acting as master of ceremonies for the meeting. "Doctors. Glad you could make it on such short notice."

  Jacques smiles broadly as Jeanne replies with a grin, "Happy to be here."

  Alan leads. "We'll give you a little background first, OK if I lead, Chen?"

  Chen nods and Alan begins. "I’ll be brief–we need some information about one of the partners. You may remember her, Claire Randolph Morrelli."

  "Claire? Who could forget her!" Jacques makes a slurping sound, which Jeanne silences with a kiss.

  Jeanne breaks for air. "An internal affair. Sounds juicy."

  Alan explains. "Actually, the juices are not flowing, if I may be so frank."

  Jacques laughs. "Frank is good."

  Chen interrupts. "Frank and fast is good. The doctors’ hourly rate has gone up in case you didn't know, Alan. I don't know where you're going to get the money to pay for this."

  "Oh Chen, don't be a killjoy," he continues briefing the Moreaus, "we suspect that Claire’s husband is playing around."

  "Suspect? Is there evidence?" Jacques wants the details.

  Alan goes ahead. "Only that Tony's not paying her the attention she deserves…"

  "That’s it?" Jeanne is surprised. "Tony–is that his picture on the whiteboard?"

  Alan nods yes.

  Jeanne licks her lips. "Oh they are a match. And their children! Such beautiful people. I don't know which one I'd choose if I had to pick."

  “Me neither,” Alan reaches over to rub Jeanne’s thigh.

  Alan sighs, "Claire is the lead attorney on several important cases. We want to be sure the home fires are burning where they should be."

  Jacques figures it out. "You want us to see if Tony has someone else. I hope he isn't wasting those delicious lips on a stamp collection. So you want to see who they talk to on their phones, who they email; what they do online in private; figure out what turns them on. You don’t need psychiatrists for this."

  Alan is impressed. "Is Jacques so quick at everything?"

  French to her core, Jeanne adores the double entendre. "Oh no, sometimes he takes a very long time to get where he’s going. That’s what I love about him."

  Bernie stops snoring for a minute and speaks, "I love Freudians." Then he falls back to sleep.

  Chen taps the watch on his wrist. "Can we get going here?"

  Alan continues. "Tony’s a judge, so any affair could become public. They spent 20 grand on their 18-year-old daughter’s DUI last year. With 17-year-old sons there’s a powder keg that could blow up any minute."

  "A house with that much testosterone is liable to erupt. Exciting. I can think of at least three things I'd like to help explode," Jeanne gets naughty again.

  Chen is impatient. "Come on Alan. We have 15 minutes. You aren’t billing by the hour, they are."

  Alan points to the white board. “You can see that Chen recorded the details for all five computers when he hooked up the new internet service last year. So we know what sites they’ve all visited."

  Chen tries to clarify. "You want to include the judge and kids, Bernie? Like you said before?"

  Bernie nods as Alan explains a bit more. "All the kids are online a lot for porn."

  Jacques laughs, "Who isn’t?"

  Alan agrees. "Tony visited a hard core site with both straight and gay videos. It was only about ten minutes. It could have been a mistake or maybe he followed a pop-up in. We’ll install some better tracking programs today to tell us more about what they do from now on. Claire has only accessed work-related websites, except once to a Martha Stewart site, when she was apparently trying to make gravy."

  Jeanne is sarcastic now. "Martha’s a convicted felon. And she serves a lot of meat which a fundamental part of a well-balanced life. But what you're doing to this family–these kids–it sounds like too much. I don't like it, no matter how wonderfully juicy those slabs of beefsteak look from the pictures."

  "You’ll find lots of young red meat on those boys, that's always encouraged you before," Jacques tries to entice her.

  Bernie wakes again. "Come on Alan, step on it. Close the deal."

  Alan goes on. "Marie has some history on lesbian sites–she could be bi-curious. Luke’s been to homo-erotic places a lot. Jon seems All-American, whatever that is today."

  Jacques laughs. "Homo-erotic, bi-curious. You’re enjoying this! If it’s a divorce case, why the interest in what the kids are doing? What sites do you visit when you’re home alone, Alan? Maybe I don't like this either, Jeanne has a point."

  Alan pushes. "Could be more than just divorce. When a partner’s family’s is involved in something dangerous, we need to know about it. Parenting issues take away focus from work."

  Bernie wakes up again. "A partner who can’t manage her own family can’t bill like she should."

  Jeanne objects. "You’re being too hard on this family. There’s something more. Tell us."

  Jacques improvises to convince Jeanne. "In other words, they need dirt on everyone in case the firm wants to force a resignation. It’s the American corporation’s New Deal. Filthy work but we’ve done worse. Dilate, Jeanne, and let's get going."

  Jeanne whines, "I still don't like it. It's excessive."

  Bernie pushes. "Call it what you want. Let’s raise the ante as an incentive. $1,000 for each experiment you perform. Do I need to define experiment? Give any of those three good-looking men a blow job or get them to nail you or whatever–we'll give you an extra $1,000 bonus–on top of your hourly rates. This applies to all of them."

  "If it’s $1,000 an act I can get behind it.” Jeanne is negotiating now.

  Bernie confirms. "Any penetration is $1,000. Or to make it simpler, any time someone comes, we throw in another thousand. We need to get this act on the road."

  "Judging by the pictures I won’t have to be acting." Jeanne is finally going with the flow.

  Now Chen objects. "Who has the authority to ask us to do all this to minors? To a judge?"

  Bernie counters, "It’s just research, no crime here."

  Alan opens up two bottles as he speaks and pours. "We helped you along last night. Aleve and Viagra look identical. We gave Tony Viagra, Aleve and a big brandy nightcap. He should have a pair of headaches. More little blue pills for kicks. Take some. Do whatever you want with them.

  Chen nags, "Drugging a Superior Court Judge?"

  Bernie looks smug. "Drugging relates to narcotics, not sexual stimulants. No precedent."

  Alan goes on. "See–check out the names on the pills–a reasonable man could and would read the name. We can drug the shit out of them and not be liable. Viagra and Aleve look identical. Alex slides two more bottles down the table. Take as many as you need.

  Chen asks, "What about furnishing prescription drugs to minors?"

  "Kill-joy. Goes to reasonable teen." Bernie glares to try and shut Chen up.

  Jacques swallows one of each and they put more in their pockets. Chen slips both bottles into his jacket."

  Jacques does a deep back stretch and jumps up. "Let’s start the parties."

  CHAPTER 16

  Morrelli Home

  Chen pulls up in front of the Morrelli's Pacific Heights Victorian, sprints to the door and rings the doorbell just as the clock strikes seven times. Claire is dressed and ready to go.

  "Thanks for letting me in so early."

  "You're welcome. So, it's an early day for IT too. Do you remember where to go in the house for the computers?"

&n
bsp; "We kept records from last time. Long as nobody's changed rooms we're fine. You got a key?"

  "A key?” Claire shows a bit of caution.

  Chen smiles, "Might need to go out for supplies. Don't want to leave a door unlocked."

  Claire nods then passes the key to Chen.

  "Thanks, we'll be done before they wake up."

  "We?" Claire wants clarification.

  "Helpers. Man and wife team–both Ph.D.s. Very good at what they do."

  Claire bristles. "Not like last time?"

  "That was Verizoff not me. Trust us this time. We have our act together."

  As Claire drives away, Jacques and Jeanne pull up.

  Chen takes the lead. "First I'll introduce you to the judge. Follow me to the master bedroom. I think he'll remember me. But they do say we all look alike."

  Chen knocks and pushes the bedroom door open slowly. "Judge Morrelli, good morning."

  "Ugh?" Tony looks and sounds terrible.

  Chen leads Jacques and Jeanne into the room. "Hello Judge, we’re here to upgrade all the computers. Hard night?"

  Tony groans. "Oh God, my head. What time is it?"

  Chen checks his watch. "7:05. You look like you could use some more sleep. Meet Jacques and Jeanne, they’re working with me."

  Tony looks up and acknowledges Jacques and Jeanne with bloodshot eyes. He nods, then moans from the pain in his head.

  Chen takes control. "We'll split up so we can get this done faster. Jeanne’ll start in Marie’s room. OK, Tony?"

  Tony keeps his eyes closed and lays back. "Whatever you want is fine. You know where everything is don't you?"

  Chen replies," Yeah. Passwords the same?"

  Tony groans, "For me. Who knows with the kids?"

  Jacques moves beside the bed and runs a pair of meaty hands through the hair at Tony's temples.

  Tony's eyes open with a start as Jacques massages. "Oh, that feels wonderful."

  "Something for the head–Aleve?" Jacques smiles invitingly.

  Tony does a double take. "No, thanks. I just need some sleep."

  Jacques keeps massaging and Tony groans in pleasure again. Chen watches with interest as Jacques continues.